|French PM Sarkozy Delivers A Down Payment|
BRUSSELS (CHN) - European leaders have finally capped debt woes that began in Greece two years ago and spread to other larger economies, most notably Italy. The latest bout of turmoil to afflict the Eurozone came last week after Italian and Spanish Governments had to pay significantly more to get investors to part with their cash via bond sales.
"The final scenerio of selling off the children was really the only option we had all along," said German Chancellor Merkel. Other ideas floated this week included plans for the eurozone's six AAA-rated nations to pool their resources via a joint bond to provide a series of weekly Groupons to it's most indebted members.
Also under consideration was a fast-track move to install Government controlled crack cocaine vending machines throughout public school systems. Germany is still pushing for a combination of those settlements in return for selling their children, a burden that some German voters believed to be unfair.
Critics of the plan see larger issues; "The danger of selling 40-50 million children all at once is that the final sell cost per child will drop far below current value," says BNP Paribas analyst Mark Andrews. "Greek and Italian Children should have been carefully sold at market demand starting in 2008; so now you have an oversupply of children coming to the Gypsy market along with the larger issue of Spanish and Portuguese children fetching lower prices because they are dumber and dirtier," explained Andrews before adding "even Gypsies have standards".
|Gypsy Leaders Celebrate Their First Ever Legal Transaction|
Labor leaders were warm to the final arrangement that will allow retirement ages and pension packages to remain untouched throughout EU member states.
Back in the U.S. the Obama administration has urged support for the plan but has not indicated any specific help other than administrative for final dealings with the Gypsy leaders. Critics of the plan say that default is still on the horizon because the Gypsy population has little or no cash on hand and because you simply can't deal with Gypsies.