Thursday, April 7, 2011

Lebron James Takes 20% Stake In U.S. Federal Reserve

Miami Heat Forward Promises 'Hard Look' At Gold Standard

Washington DC (CHN)- NBA star Lebron James closed a long discussed deal with the United States of America Friday morning just hours before his Miami Heat took the floor against the Charlotte Bobcats. Financial details of the agreement were not available at press time, however, sources confirm that this is the first large-scale merger between the Federal Government and an individual since the failed buyout offer for The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms by Gilbert Arenas in 2008.

Lebron James Discusses Rebounding From The Credit Crunch
Statistics indicate that James could be an inflation hawk causing traders on Wall Street to short treasuries after the initial announcement.  

However, "The situation is fluid," according to Heat point guard Mario Chalmers.  Chalmers indicated to ESPN sideline reporter Erin Andrews that the former Cavalier wanted distribution of quantitative easing to eventually expire, "but only after a stable balance was struck between QE2 and QE3, to sure up the Federal Reserve's offensive attack down the stretch".  

James first move was to direct Heat Power Forward Chris Bosh to oversee extending credit through the Reserve's Discount Window.  According to James, "Bosh is comfortable around the glass and makes smart decisions even when going against international powers such as Chinese star Yoa Ming".

Mr. James added much needed confidence to the transaction by guaranteeing that if he was busy, the 1992 Dream Team (minus Christian Laettner) would provide emergency overnight lending services to foreign and domestic banks. 

Rumors that the deal was swung after Ben Bernanke and the Board of Governors were treated to box seats and allowed to chill with D-Wade's hoes have been categorically denied by Fed Vice Chairman Janet Yellen.  However, Yellen did speculate as to James' rational in buying out 20% of the heavily criticized Federal Reserve; "I think that the ability to print money is a compelling case and that probably explains the 14 attempts by David Stern to close a deal with us".  


CHN said...

Miami Heat Forward Promises 'Hard Look' At Gold Standard

Anonymous said...

No article is complete without a laettner reference

Chris Mullin said...

Having the 1992 Drea$ Team handle overnight lending to foreign banks closed the deal.

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Duckikxme said...

No article is complete without a laettner reference ....

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