Friday, January 28, 2011

Love At First Sight

Cairo, Egypt (CHN) - A Retraction is being issued by The CHN Mid East News Bureau.  The following picture is not in fact from the movie 'Taboo 37';  the image below is of an Egyptian Woman who really really really wanted this internet thing shut down.  

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Obama's Call For A 'Defecate' Freeze May Have Been Teleprompter Error

Constipated Americans Demand Answers Following State of The Union Speech

Washington D.C. (CHN) - Millions of Americans and a Joint Session of Congress began the unusual task of defecation avoidance following President Obama's 2nd official 'State of The Union' address Tuesday night.  

The President's speech lasting some 64 minutes was a call for fiscal and digestive restraint as unemployment continues to hover near 10%.  Congress loudly cheered the President's call for unity in the aftermath of the Tuscon shooting that left 6 dead and Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords fighting for her life; however his request for fecal restraint garnered little applause from the joint session.  

Environmentalists and waste water treatment employees nationwide are cheering the first ever call for Americans to cease pooping.  

However, the 5-year 'freeze on defecate expenditures' has already been criticized by Republicans as another far left scheme that eventually will force Congress to cut defense spending or possibly even raise medicare allotments for intestinal combustion.

Rep. Paul Ryan of Wisconsin delivered the Republican response and roundly criticized the President's speech.  Ryan sees the anti-defecate plan as "just another attempt by this President to usurp the basic liberties of the American people." He added, "We warned that 'Obamacare' was too far reaching and this confirms our most dreaded fears; lets keep government out of our gastrointestinal system". 

According to reports, an anonymous spokesman for the Administration later stated "... to our knowledge there was no teleprompter malfunction as some in the press have suggested. However, some portions of the Presidents speech were intended as goals that may take years to achieve, as such, the President "recognizes, as always, that all crapping related bills are originated in Congress."

Mr. Obama chose to ignore ongoing calls to release his original, so-called 'long form birth certificate', following last weeks announcement from Hawaiian Governor Neil Abercrombie that he is unable to produce the document.  Democratic strategists have labeled those demanding the documentation 'Birthers' and now have now dubbed right wing critics of the Presidents tough digestive plan as 'Shitters'.  

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Meeting At The Rose Garden

Obama; Clinton Caught By Live Camera 

Washington D.C. (CHN) -  Camera's Were On and Captured Obama and Clinton Discussing Some Unusual Issues prior to Martin Luther King Festivities at the White House.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

CHN: Recent Tags and #1 Google Search Terms For Her Pleasure

"Forty Seven" Classic CHN Google Search Results:

  1.  Genital Mutilation of Meter Maids
  2. "Peak Molasses"
  3. Trig is the youngest known male to become pregnant
  4. "far-from-kosher bouillabaisse stew"
  5. The Constant Distractions of Neytiri's Blue Nipples
  6. "Obama, a left handed shooter..."
  7. "Bush went on to describe the value of honor killing"
  8. Adult Diaper Revelation
  9. "I'm not a fisherman or a fish scientist"
  10. "let's be honest this is mostly a 'feel' game"
  11. The Barely Legal Viability of America's Shale Oil (soft core)
  12. "Aging Laker fan Jack Nicholson"
  13. Lucas: I'm from Modesto, CA.... we eat bullshit for breakfast there.
  14. Dr. Laura Promises Not To Say 'Nigger'
  15. "we are surrounded by a bunch of pussies like Missouri, South Dakota, and Oklahoma"
  16. "Love Seats n' Stools for Less"
  17. "There has been a scourge of slut"
  18. "Dixie has run away from home to join the circus"
  19. "The Anal Seduction of T. Boone Pickins"
  20. Tony Dungy Robot
  21. whereas Lebron James is the 'fucker' and the Cleveland clients are the 'fukees'
  22. the average movie goer is "much much dumber than we ever could have imagined"
  23. Lesbian Activists To Obama: Eat Shit
  24. Executive Order for Napolitano To Get Nailed
  25. BP Spill Clusterfuck
  26. "tongue comforting trans-fat"
  27. Pew Research Polls Are Retarded
  28. "36,000 gallons per minute of nip slipping water pressure"
  29. "an accomplished anagramist and comic book purveyor"
  31. 5,200 "pinches" of refined sugar
  32. exploiting symbiotic aquatic relationships far beyond basic parasite extraction
  33. Rumors had swirled for years that Fergie was very likely the actual Chupacabra
  34. Homosexuals Considering Formal Rejection of The La Vida Loca Singer
  35. Swiss Chard sandwiches were all the rage
  36. hands full with a crack pipe and balls deep in some dude
  37. "steady influx of 'cunt rags'"
  38. "expired muff bait"
  39. "Oklahoma City resident Jenna Jameson"
  40. "killing others with global warming"
  41. "my client had sex with a whorish hotel worker in Colorado"
  42. "after we finished the measurement and inspection of the victims breasts we hit a wall"
  43. We use the term 'boner killer' rather carefully around here because Katie Couric seems to just pop in and out of the production room like jackrabbit on smack
  44. BP contends that it carefully studied the effects of several types of music and can say with complete confidence that a boy band will win the hearts of the Gulf people
  45. Possible replacements for Laettner include Dominique Wilkins, Shawn Kemp, and a 9 year old Dwight Howard.
  46. The November elections could give Republicans the votes they need to keep Meredith from sleeping with any and all selfish scumbags such as plastic surgeon Mark Sloan
  47. LA County's other investments in capturing Cryptids such as the Yeti, Bigfoot, and the Loch Ness Monster 
CHN 2011- All Rights Deferred Until 2015 or so.

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